Tag Archives: Marriage
“Why Jesus Is Not Your Boyfriend” is the title of an article posted by Christianity today. The premise of the article proposes that Christian women need a better framework for relating to God amid their singleness.What I found most interesting was the revelation that there is a new movement among singles choosing to “marry themselves”.
Yep, you heard me. “Self marriage“.
Now how do you jump to the polemic that single women need to stop dating Jesus as their boyfriend? Read the article to find out.
It’s no secret that marriage is on the decline in the United States. The most recent Census revealed that 32 million Americans are now in single households, and that married people are no longer the majority. Some are single by necessity or life circumstances, others by choice or career aspirations. And then there those who are functionally single but married to themselves. Yes, I’m talking about self-marriage, complete with marriage ceremony, commitment papers, and vows. A recent CNN article points to a segment of single people who are choosing to “marry themselves” rather than another person. These are hardly lonely, disconnected people who simply cannot find a spouse. Instead, they are choosing self-marriage to show how happy they truly are as singles. As one woman put it, marrying herself allowed her to see that all the love she needed was inside herself. “I started discovering that the love I need, it’s in here,”Nadine Schweigert said, pointing to her heart.
John Frame has served on the faculty of Westminster Theological Seminary and the Chair of Systematic Theology and Philosophy at Reformed Theological Seminary. He is widely known as a writer and scholar.
That is what makes this article so interesting. In my 39 years of Kingdom life, I have never read anything on this topic.
Review the following extract and you should be sufficiently enticed you to read the full text.
“…three years ago I got married! … Is marriage really unjust suffering? And if it is, do I have the guts to preach that with my wife in the congregation? … Stay tuned for some answers to these questions.
First, I do still believe that marriage can be a form of unjust suffering, because it says so in the Bible. (I said it can be, my dear, not that it always is.) The Bible, of course, has a very positive view of marriage, but it is also realistic. It recognizes that in a sinful world there are a lot of problems in marriage. So while it says many positive things about marriage, it says some negative things as well. Once, indeed, Jesus told his disciples, in effect, “You’re not allowed to get divorced, so some of you shouldn’t get married at all.”
In this sinful world there is a downside to marriage, and we ought to ask if we can accept that downside before we presume to make a lifetime commitment.”
If you are married, this song by Andrew Peterson is for you.
In June, Regina and I will celebrate grace based “Dancin In the Minefields” and “Sailing in the Storms” for 39 years. As Andrew points out, it’s been harder than we ever dreamed, but that’s what the promise is for!
John Gottman is a Ph.D. psychologist known for his work on marital stability and considered to be one of the top 10 most influential therapist of the last century. He is also a Professor Emeritus of psychology at the University of Washington.
World renowned for his 35 years of breakthrough research on marriage and relationship analysis, Dr.Gottman developed a model to predict which couples will remain married and which will divorce with a 90% accuracy.
Gottman says there are two major seasons when marriages fail and couples opt for divorce. The initial season is within the first seven years and the second is between 16-20 years of marriage.
After viewing a program last night about the new existence of “divorce insurance” companies,[see below] maybe it’s time for us all to undertake a relational inventory of our own marriage covenant and sift through the baggage to see where we are in light of these seven indicators that reveal a marriage is in serious trouble.
Review these observable indicators and then give a listen to Dr. Gottman:
1.Harsh Start Arguments that reflect sarcasm and insults
2.Criticism that attacks the spouse rather than the problem
3.Contempt expressed through disgust,disrespect,sarcasm,eye-rolling and condescension
4.Defensiveness that conveys I am not the problem while justifying personal behavior
5.Flooding of physiological changes: increase of adrenaline, heart rate,and respiration
6. Stonewalling by emotional, relational, communicational, and physical withdrawal
7. Repair Attempts that Fail due to one trying to repair or de-eschalate tension but is ignored
I thoroughly enjoy a robust laugh. The joy involved in hearty laughter can ease tension, arrest arguments, and soothe a wounded soul. In other words, laughter is as therapeutic as medicine. During 39 years of grace filled marriage, one of the most enjoyable things for me is to watch my wife experience heart-felt laughter.
May you enjoy a generous portion while watching this guy accurately describe what men really desire from their wives.
I recently received a call from one of our ministers who was engaged in counselling a married woman contemplating a divorce. This is not unique, since ministers are frequently confronted with the ethic associated with covenant dissolution. With that moral dilemma comes the question of remarriage.
Kevin DeYoung generously posted the full manuscript of a message wherein he addressed the complex nature of this sensitive issue . The scenarios he poses definitely reveal the power of sin to complicate our lives. Read the full article that addresses 7 principles involved when addressing these situations.
• A wife commits adultery. She is repentant and wants to save the marriage. The husband knows he must forgive, but he wants to file for divorce? Would you grant him that right? Does it make any difference if the wife was frequently unfaithful?
• A wife gets a divorce because of marital unfaithfulness? You’ve determined she has legitimate grounds for that divorce. Is she then free to remarry? What if the husband repents, is he? Or only to his ex-wife? And what if she gets remarried, does that change his obligation?
• A non-Christian couple gets a divorce. Later the man becomes a Christian and realizes the divorce was wrong. Is he obligated to try to win back his non-Christian ex-wife? What if he tries to be reconciled and his ex-wife has no interest, is he free to remarry in the Lord?
• A remarried couple comes to realize their divorce and remarriage was sinful. Are they committing adultery by staying married? If they stay married, what should they do to make things right? Can they be members in the church? What about leaders?
• Both husband and wife commit adultery. They both have grounds for divorce and they are both the “guilty” party. Would you allow a divorce? Two years later they are both sincerely repentant. Should they remarry each other? Could they remarry someone else?