Category Archives: relationships

Biblically Based Confession

Русский: Исповедь. Бернардинский собор во Льво...

Русский: Исповедь. Бернардинский собор во Львове (Церковь Святого Андрея УГКЦ) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Paul Tripp explains the difference between admission and confession,and in doing so, presses christians to “dig deeper” and “confess bigger” so that grace can effect true heart-based repentance. His principles are most appropriate in their application to our relational  sins as well.

While reading this, I was reminded of  situations I have encountered where these  principles were seriously ignored and compromised, in an attempt to cover a corrupt heart. In one case, a brother was caught secretly recording a  confidential meeting in order to try to entrap me. When confronted by multiple ministers, he responded with  a shallow admission that he merely had a lapse in judgement. 

Tripp on the other hand, points us to emulate the depth and bigness of David’s heartfelt confession that brings forth redemptive turnaround in our lives. Scripture calls that the fruit of repentance.

Here is an excerpt:


“Last week I wrote you about the subtle, yet significant, difference between the admission of wrongand true confession. Admission of wrong has two potential flaws. First, we might admit only because we were caught. And second, we might admit to only our behavior – not the heart motives behind it.

Now please, don’t mistake me. Admitting wrong and confessing behavioral action is good and necessary. Bu we need to go deeper. Our confession needs to be bigger.

Take the example of David in Psalm 51. When he prays for a pure heart and a steadfast spirit (v. 10, 11), he’s acknowledging that his struggle runs deeper than just behavior. He’s not only confessing to the physical acts of adultery and murder, but also to the reality of a heart that’s corrupt.

He’s confessing that his heart loves personal pleasure more than it loves the Lord. When he talks of God’s desire for a truthful and wise heart (v. 6), he’s confessing to a heart that has craved what was impure and that has loved what was foolish.

It’s only when you confess that your heart is corrupt that bigger things begin to happen. You turn…really turn. You don’t just turn from that specific sin pattern, but your heart turns to God in new and deeper ways.” 


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Top Five Regrets Of The Dying


Patient (Photo credit: Kimberly Mahr)

For many years , an Australian nurse has given hospice care to dying patients during the final stages of their lives.

Over the 12 weeks, Bonnie Ware says she witnessed patients gaining phenomenal clarity as death approached.

Patients were asked if they would do things differently or if they had regrets.Five commonalities continually surfaced:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”Bonnie notes that most people felt they wasted their healthy youths, and were remorseful for not taking advantage of the things they were able to do.
2. “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.” Ware says she heard this from every male patient she nursed. 

3. “ I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.” Patients became ill from anger they had from unexpressed feelings. Many had suppressed these emotions in order to keep peace with others. This resulted in illnesses related to bitterness and resentment. 

4. “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.” Many patients regretted losing touch with good friends, who they were unable to track down and contact in their final days.Everyone misses friends when they are dying.

5. “I wish that I had let myself be happier.” Many failed to realize that being happy was their choice.They chose to remain stuck in old patterns and habits.

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Posted by on July 24, 2012 in quotes, relationships, Uncategorized


Relationships Can Be Very Messy

Please consider these biblical realities: Paul and Barnabas engage in heated disagreement that eventuates into two friends relationally separating, Judas plays the role of a frienemy and betrays Jesus, Diotrephes rejects relational accountability to the Apostle John and excommunicates congregants who do, the Corinthians mock Paul’s bodily appearance and inarticulate communication skills as grounds for refusing him as their founding father, Jesus has disciples who eject from following him due to one sermons  teaching content, and at the end of Paul’s ministry, his relational  friends have abandoned him.

Yep! Even the best relationships, involving some of the most charactered people in scripture, resulted in mental affliction,emotional pain, hurtful words and discouraging experiences.  Why? For such is the stuff of life in the Kingdom.

Paul Tripp gives  great perspective to the “relational messy stuff” we experience.


“Have you ever wondered if the people around you deal with the things you do in your relationships? Have you ever wondered if other marriages deal with petty differences or with the collision of differing agendas? Have you ever wondered if other parents struggle with resistant children and the impatience that greets you when it happens? Have you ever wondered if other people get in trouble with their neighbors or fall out of favor with a friend? Have you ever wondered if other people experience harmless conversations suddenly turning angry, or misunderstanding getting in the way of an otherwise productive friendship? Have you ever wondered if other people get as exhausted as you do with the mess of relationships? Have you ever wondered if other people say to themselves, “Christians; you can’t live with them and you can’t live without them?

Well, you should find comfort as you read Scripture because the mess of relationships that we deal with every day is on almost every page of the Bible. From Adam blaming Eve for his sin, to Cain murdering his brother out of jealousy. From Abram and Sarai colluding together for Abram to have sexual relations with the servant girl, to Rebekkah plotting with Jacob to deceive his father and get the blessing that his brother rightly deserved. From Saul’s murderous jealousy of David, to David’s murderous adultery with Bathsheba. From Delilah’s seduction of Samson, to Eli’s struggle with his wayward sons. From the inability of Solomon’s sons to get along, to the grief of Hezekiah over his evil son Manasseh. From the competitiveness of the disciples for a place of honor in the kingdom, to tension between Mary and Martha as to how to best serve Jesus. From the rejection of Christ on the cross by his own Father, to the divisions that wracked the New Testament churches. The Bible puts before you account after account of people just like you dealing with the same things you do as you live as a sinner, with sinners, in this fallen world.

Why do we have these gritty stories in the Bible? Because God wants you to know that you’re not alone in what you experience. And not only are you not alone, God wants you to know that you’re not left to your own wisdom and your own strength. The One who’s your wisdom and strength subjected himself to the harsh realities of relationships in a broken world so that he would be a sympathetic and understanding Helper in your time of relational need. But there’s more. He was willing to face the ultimate in relational suffering, the rejection of his Father, so that you would not only have the hope of acceptance with God, but also the hope of real reconciled relationship with your neighbor. He purchased our peace with God and in so doing made peace between us possible as well.

What does all of this mean? It means you don’t have to give way to discouragement, panic or hopelessness. No matter how frequent or complicated the mess is, there’s hope. Not because some day you’ll discover the key to perfect relationships or meet the perfect person. But because Jesus did what we couldn’t do, so that we’d be able to experience what we could never experience if left to our own strength and wisdom.

So don’t passively accept the mess and don’t run away when it comes. Determine to be an agent of hope, change, peace, and reconciliation. There’s probably not a relationship in your life that couldn’t be better in some way. Jesus makes that change and growth possible.”

God bless
Paul David Tripp

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Posted by on July 18, 2012 in Conflict, criticism, relationships


Single People Opting For “Self Marriage”

Marriage Certificate

Marriage Certificate (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

“Why Jesus Is Not Your Boyfriend” is the title of an article posted by Christianity today. The premise of the article proposes that Christian women need a better framework for relating to God amid their singleness.What I found most interesting was the revelation that there is a  new movement among singles choosing to “marry themselves”.

Yep, you heard me. “Self marriage“.

Now how do you jump to the polemic that single women need to stop dating Jesus as their boyfriend? Read the article to find out. 


It’s no secret that marriage is on the decline in the United States. The most recent Census revealed that 32 million Americans are now in single households, and that married people are no longer the majority. Some are single by necessity or life circumstances, others by choice or career aspirations. And then there those who are functionally single but married to themselves. Yes, I’m talking about self-marriage, complete with marriage ceremony, commitment papers, and vows. A recent CNN article points to a segment of single people who are choosing to “marry themselves” rather than another person. These are hardly lonely, disconnected people who simply cannot find a spouse. Instead, they are choosing self-marriage to show how happy they truly are as singles. As one woman put it, marrying herself allowed her to see that all the love she needed was inside herself. “I started discovering that the love I need, it’s in here,”Nadine Schweigert said, pointing to her heart.


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Posted by on June 26, 2012 in marriage, relationships, Self Marriage, Singles


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I Just “Texted” to Say I Love You

This is an aweeeesome parody of Stevie Wonder’s ‘I Just Wanna To Say I Love You’ by Elliot Yamin. Some suggest it may even be the definitive long song of the modern era. 

The creative lyrics demonstrate the infiltration of the social network into the way  people relate  today.




Posted by on September 25, 2011 in communication, relationships, Video


Minister Of Music Tasers Pastor

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 Here is a whole new approach to”conflict resolution“. From praiser to taser. Priceless!


A minister of music has been charged with using a Taser to shock the pastor of an Alabama church during a fight over pay. The Mobile County Sheriff’s Office says the fight happened last Sunday at New Welcome Baptist Church.

Authorities say Pastor Daryl Riley handed the minister of music, Simone Moore, his final check and said he would no longer be needed. Moore disagreed over the pay and shocked the pastor during an ensuring argument. He was charged with second-degree assault.

Several other church members were involved in the brawl. Officials say Deacon Harvey Hunt stabbed the music minister’s mother, Agolia Moore. Hunt was charged with third-degree assault.”


Posted by on August 15, 2011 in Conflict, GOOOFY, Ministry, relationships


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C. J. Mahaney Steps Aside To Face Charges

Charlie and C.J. Mahaney

Image by six steps  via Flickr

John Piper demonstrated great humility last year when he announced he was taking a 9 month sabbatical to invest in his marriage. Francis Chan showed great leadership when he confessed to compromising the “hard sayings” of Jesus to make his message more appealing. Now we get to observe what true accountability looks like when patterns of uncharactered behavior are persistently observed  by other leaders around us. 

 C.J. Mahaney, apostlic leader of sovereign Grace Ministries, announced this week he is taking a leave of absence in order to allow others to redemptively assess his life and ministry relative to the multiple charges that have been levied against him. While this news is disturbing, his submission to the board of Sovereign Grace Ministries as well as  to seasoned trans-local veterans  is most compelling. Quite  a contrast to Eddie Long and the recent absurd remarks made by Creflo Dollar.

Read more details on  the site’s posted below.

C.J’s public statement:

“Over the last few years some former pastors and leaders in Sovereign Grace have made charges against me and informed me about offenses they have with me as well as other leaders in Sovereign Grace. These charges are serious and they have been very grieving to read. These charges are not related to any immorality or financial impropriety, but this doesn’t minimize their serious nature, which include various expressions of pride, unentreatability, deceit, sinful judgment, and hypocrisy.

I believe God is kindly disciplining me through this. I believe I have by the grace of God perceived a degree of my sin, and I have been grieved by my sin and its effects on others.  I have had the opportunity to confess my sin to some of those affected in various ways by my sin. And I am so very grateful for their forgiveness.  But I want to perceive and confess any and all sin I have committed.  Although my experience of conviction has already started—and this is an evidence of God’s mercy—I’m sure there is more for me to perceive and acknowledge.  Even with the charges I disagree with it has been beneficial to examine my soul and ask for the observation of others. ”


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