John Gottman is a Ph.D. psychologist known for his work on marital stability and considered to be one of the top 10 most influential therapist of the last century. He is also a Professor Emeritus of psychology at the University of Washington.
World renowned for his 35 years of breakthrough research on marriage and relationship analysis, Dr.Gottman developed a model to predict which couples will remain married and which will divorce with a 90% accuracy.
Gottman says there are two major seasons when marriages fail and couples opt for divorce. The initial season is within the first seven years and the second is between 16-20 years of marriage.
After viewing a program last night about the new existence of “divorce insurance” companies,[see below] maybe it’s time for us all to undertake a relational inventory of our own marriage covenant and sift through the baggage to see where we are in light of these seven indicators that reveal a marriage is in serious trouble.
Review these observable indicators and then give a listen to Dr. Gottman:
1.Harsh Start Arguments that reflect sarcasm and insults
2.Criticism that attacks the spouse rather than the problem
3.Contempt expressed through disgust,disrespect,sarcasm,eye-rolling and condescension
4.Defensiveness that conveys I am not the problem while justifying personal behavior
5.Flooding of physiological changes: increase of adrenaline, heart rate,and respiration
6. Stonewalling by emotional, relational, communicational, and physical withdrawal
7. Repair Attempts that Fail due to one trying to repair or de-eschalate tension but is ignored