Equally Sharing Housework Leads To Higher Divorce?

Alright brothers,  if you were schooled in pre-marital classes to believe that helping  wives around the house would be key to a peace filled-sexualized marriage , think again.

The results of a new study released Thursday found the divorce rate among couples who shared housework equally was 50 per cent higher than those where the woman did most of the work.

The co-author of the study revealed sharing equal responsibility for work in the home doesn’t necessarily contribute to contentment.

Duh!

http://www.hlntv.com/video/2012/10/01/marriage-chores-study-robin-meade-hln

http://www.theatlanticwire.com/global/2012/09/dont-believe-every-study-you-read/57388/

Single People Opting For “Self Marriage”

Marriage Certificate (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

“Why Jesus Is Not Your Boyfriend” is the title of an article posted by Christianity today. The premise of the article proposes that Christian women need a better framework for relating to God amid their singleness.What I found most interesting was the revelation that there is a  new movement among singles choosing to “marry themselves”.

Yep, you heard me. “Self marriage“.

Now how do you jump to the polemic that single women need to stop dating Jesus as their boyfriend? Read the article to find out. 

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It’s no secret that marriage is on the decline in the United States. The most recent Census revealed that 32 million Americans are now in single households, and that married people are no longer the majority. Some are single by necessity or life circumstances, others by choice or career aspirations. And then there those who are functionally single but married to themselves. Yes, I’m talking about self-marriage, complete with marriage ceremony, commitment papers, and vows. A recent CNN article points to a segment of single people who are choosing to “marry themselves” rather than another person. These are hardly lonely, disconnected people who simply cannot find a spouse. Instead, they are choosing self-marriage to show how happy they truly are as singles. As one woman put it, marrying herself allowed her to see that all the love she needed was inside herself. “I started discovering that the love I need, it’s in here,”Nadine Schweigert said, pointing to her heart.

 

http://blog.christianitytoday.com/women/2012/06/why_jesus_isnt_your_boyfriend.html?utm_source=ctdirect-html&utm_medium=Newsletter&utm_term=9682732&utm_content=129037261&utm_campaign=2012

 

John Frame: Marriage Is A Form Of Unjust Sufferring

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John Frame  has served on the faculty of Westminster Theological Seminary and the Chair of Systematic Theology and Philosophy at Reformed Theological Seminary. He is widely known as a writer and scholar.

That is  what makes this article so interesting. In my 39 years of Kingdom life, I have never read anything on this topic.

Review the following extract and you should be sufficiently  enticed you to read the full text. 

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 “…three years ago I got married! … Is marriage really unjust suffering? And if it is, do I have the guts to preach that with my wife in the congregation? … Stay tuned for some answers to these questions.

First, I do still believe that marriage can be a form of unjust suffering, because it says so in the Bible. (I said it can be, my dear, not that it always is.) The Bible, of course, has a very positive view of marriage, but it is also realistic. It recognizes that in a sinful world there are a lot of problems in marriage. So while it says many positive things about marriage, it says some negative things as well. Once, indeed, Jesus told his disciples, in effect, “You’re not allowed to get divorced, so some of you shouldn’t get married at all.”

 In this sinful world there is a downside to marriage, and we ought to ask if we can accept that downside before we presume to make a lifetime commitment.”

http://www.thirdmill.org/newfiles/joh_frame/PT.Frame.MarriageasSuffering.html

Be Strong In Your Manliness!

Most wives absolutely long for their husband to fulfill the Apostle Paul’s imperative in 1 Corinthians 16: 13 to  be strong in the strength of Christ centered manliness. Thanks Mark for bringing this song to my attention today. Awesome!

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Conquering Temptation With Fear?

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Are Pastors and Politicians simply  ”losing their minds” in order to gain satisfaction of their hidden lusts?

 Weinergate is further documentation that we are in some serious trouble folks. Flagrant deception, covetousness, hypocrisy, camouflaged with  bold public  lies.

Dr. Russell Moore tackles the flagrant sin issue and goes to the root of the problem in his “Are You Smarter Than Anthony Weiner” article. 

 Moore is Dean of the School of Theology  at The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville, KY.

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“Almost every adultery situation I’ve ever seen includes a cheating spouse who honestly believes that he or she is not going to get caught. The cheater often doesn’t want the marriage to end in divorce. Instead, like the characters in today’s headlines, he or she instead wants to keep everything the same: spouse, kids, and lover too. That’s irrational and completely contrary to the way the world works. Anyone can see that.

But you can convince yourself…or be convinced…that it will work for you. You’re special, after all. That’s the way temptation functions. We put consequences out of our minds, both temporal and eternal consequences. We start to believe that we are gods, with power over good and evil and life and death. And then we do crazy things.

This doesn’t have anything to do with intelligence. Satan is hyper-intelligent. And yet, even knowing that he will ultimately have his skull crushed, he rages all the more against Christ and his people, “because he knows his time is short” (Rev. 12:12). In terms of the most basic principles of military strategy, that’s crazy. What we need is not intelligence, but wisdom. Wisdom includes seeing where the way I want to go will lead (Prov. 14:12).

I don’t know who you are, reader, but I know you are probably not smarter than Anthony Weiner or Arnold Schwarzenegger or John Edwards. And neither am I. Both of us, you and I, are on the verge of wrecking our lives. We’re probably not on the verge of a situation quite like any of those men, but the gospel tells us we have vulnerabilities just the same, and they all can lead to destruction.The answer isn’t found in talent or in strategy or in brilliance. It’s found in fear, the fear of the Lord and the vision of his future.
Lord have mercy.”

http://www.russellmoore.com/2011/06/06/are-you-smarter-than-anthony-weiner/

http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/justintaylor/2011/06/07/the-fear-of-the-lord-and-the-tempatation-of-life-without-consequences/

Breaking Our Addiction To Technology

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Many of us have  been frustrated with  friends or family who have an absolute addiction to phone texting, emailing, facebooking, or blogging. 

Absorbed with  constant texting or blogging, the individual is rendered incapable of  hearing or responding to “mono -mono”  conversation because of   being  facedown and  ignoring everything else while giving an occasional nod as if every word is being received. [At least this is the way my wife kinda described it to me....lol] 

Also, According to a Harris Interactive study, 72% of people identified bad mobile-phone behavior as one of their top 10 pet peeves.

Who knew modern technology has a dark side. Seems our high-tech gadgets tend to sterilize relationships, stiffle meaningful communication,and effect emotional disconnect.

No problem,  help has arrived in the form of a new book: “The Digital Diet:The 4-Step Plan to Break Your Tech Addiction and Regain Balance in Your Life” by Daniel Sieberg.

These excerpts reveal the need to go on a digital diet and the 4 steps to implement. 

Ooooops, gotta run, just heard my Droid announce an incoming text.

RGH

 

“At the core, the Digital Diet is about common sense and common courtesy, Impress yourself and those around you. Be the master, not the slave.”

“Technology makes life more sterile and makes it too easy to avoid a conversation (services like slydial send you straight to voice mail), face responsibility (sorry, didn’t get your message), or display emotions (those emoticons just don’t cut it). Too often technology allows us to replace meaningful interaction with superficial ones. Many of us have become terrible and ineffective communicators and blog and selfish broadcasters. Lots of telling but very little listening. We’ve come to rely on what I call, in fast food term, “drive through conversations”. Pull up, get what you want and drive away. No fuss, no muss. If only real life were so convenient.”

Step 1 – Think – Consider… the effect it’s had on your physical, mental, and emotional health.

Step 2 – Boot – Take stock ….and step back from the device.

Step 3 – Connect – Focus on restoring the relationships…harmed by the technology in your life.

Step 4 – Vitalize – Learn how to…optimize your time spent e-mailing, texting, on Facebook and web surfing.

 

http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/digital-diet-break-tech-addiction-book-daniel-sieberg/story?id=13519456

  http://www.evancarmichael.com/Book-Reviews/2820/The-Digital-Diet-by-Daniel-Sieberg.html

 

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/technologylive/post/2011/04/mini-book-review-the-digital-diet/1

Children of Divorce

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I hate divorce,” says the LORD  in Malachi 2:16. Sobering words indeed. Yet, the contemporary church  has managed to trivialize the sacred by making covenant breaking  common.

 Professor Andrew Root of Luther Seminary, however, addresses one of the many reasons the Sovereign Lord would speak with such holy gravity.

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The Children Of Divorce: The Loss of Family As the Loss of Being 

“Root’s book is meant not to chastise or heap guilt on parents who have divorced, but rather to help the Christian community understand the ramifications of divorce from a child’s perspective. The child need not be under the age of 18 either; Root’s thesis is that no matter the age, divorce, even “the good divorce,” has profoundly negative effects on a child’s ontology, or sense of being. Root writes that “even in instances when divorce was a great gift to one or both parents, it was a silent nightmare to a child. What I am asserting is that divorce . . . leaves major marks on children, marks that reach all the way to the core of their being.”

“…children of divorce feel as though they are disappearing from existence. The divorce-induced existential void produces lost souls who feel less real, souls who feel like they are “sliding into non-existence.”

Root reflects:
. . . the family serves as one of the last organic communal realities of belonging and corporate purpose that allow children to discover their selves. In the security of the love of the marriage union that shared the child’s very biological material, they are blanketed and safe to develop and understand their selves. What is there for the self . . . when there is no place to belong, when a family narrative is shattered, and purpose is disconnected from the community of one’s being?”

http://blog.christianitytoday.com/women/2011/05/how_divorce_devastates_childre.html

When Marriage Is Harder Than We Ever Dreamed

If you are married, this song by Andrew Peterson is for you.

In June, Regina and I will celebrate grace based “Dancin In the Minefields” and “Sailing in the Storms” for 39 years.  As Andrew points out, it’s been harder than we ever dreamed, but that’s what the promise is for!

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Seven Predictors of Marital Divorce

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John  Gottman is a Ph.D. psychologist known for his work on marital stability and considered to be one of the top 10 most influential therapist of the last century. He is also a Professor Emeritus of psychology at the University of Washington.

World renowned for his 35 years of breakthrough research on marriage and relationship analysis,  Dr.Gottman developed a model to predict which couples will remain married and which will divorce with a 90% accuracy.

Gottman says there are two major seasons when  marriages fail and couples opt for divorce. The initial season is within the first seven years and the second is between 16-20 years of marriage.   

After viewing a  program last night about the new existence of  ”divorce insurance” companies,[see below]  maybe it’s time for us all to  undertake a relational  inventory of  our own marriage covenant and  sift through the baggage to see  where we are  in light of these seven indicators that reveal a marriage is  in serious trouble.

Review these observable  indicators and then  give a listen to Dr. Gottman:

1.Harsh Start Arguments that reflect sarcasm and insults

2.Criticism that attacks the spouse rather than the problem

3.Contempt  expressed through disgust,disrespect,sarcasm,eye-rolling and condescension

4.Defensiveness that conveys I am not the problem while justifying personal behavior

5.Flooding of physiological changes:  increase of adrenaline, heart rate,and respiration

6. Stonewalling by emotional, relational, communicational, and physical withdrawal

7.  Repair Attempts that Fail due to one trying to repair or de-eschalate tension but is ignored  

http://www.gottman.com/51326/Dr-John-Gottman.html

http://www.lisalundmft.com/The_Four_Horsemen_of_the_Apocalypse.html

http://www.wedlockdivorceinsurance.com/

Mothers Day Related-Kinda Sorta

Since many mothers are wives who have husbands, this is kinda sorta a mother’s day related post. I know, it’s a stretch, but give a listen to Tim Hawkins lyrical counsel to husbands as he draws upon his vast resource of comedic wisdom.

Be warned though, this is serious “thou shalt not” stuff regarding the things a husband should NEVER say to the mother of his children. 

Warning: This clip should not be viewed with your  wife in the room with you. Should you choose to ignore this experienced based warning, be afraid, be very afraid to even grin, much less laugh out loud.